Dark Days!

Help! I think I am being blackmailed!

Someone is posing as Sirius - one of our exciting visitors - and is offering me bribes of fun and frolics to access liquor! At least, I think it's not the real Sirius.

Oh No! What if it is the real Sirius and he really does want me to get him free booze in return for fun? I have been warned by a friend that this "Sirius" is not to be trusted, but I though they were exagerating!

What to do, what to do???? This is making my brain ache. I like fun, I really do, but I'm not at all sure that Sirius intends to pay for the liquor. What will Mum and Dad say?

Then again, they have invited Sirius, and surely they wouldn't do that if he was....well...a liquor-fiend! I thought he was a charity ambassador, which sounds impressively cool, but I must be wrong!

I think I am going to have to go and chew something, to get inspiration for solving my dilemma!


ps. today I have stolen one bra, two bits of tissue, an empty pork scratchings bag (boy, got in trouble for that one!) and a flower pot.

Wow Wow Wow Wow!!!

I am so excited I could BURST!

We have got Very Important Visitors coming! It's going to be fabulously wonderful! They're going to visit, and we're going to have fun, and there will be high jinx and excitement!

They are called "Sirius" and "Sir Parsley" and I have been told that I am absolutely under no circumstances whatsoever to so much as lick them, let alone take them to my bed and chew them. I am shocked! As if I would do that to a visitor!

Mum says I will learn more about them between now and the visit, but that they are doing Important Charity Work (whatever that is - I hope it's fun fun fun!).

ps. sorry for not blogging for so long, but I am such a busy dog that I often get distracted by life, customers, you name it!

pps. today I have stolen a plastic bag, two socks and a plastic bottle cap

Owweeeeeee!

Helup! I have been leaking! There was red stuff everywhere! I had to trog miles home with Dad and that Fanged One plastered in the stuff, Dad was worried I might empty out completely all over the mountain! Not sure what happens if you run out of red stuff, but it's probably not much fun.

When we got home I took a ride in the car with Mum and we visited the horrid place where this lady came at me with these buzzy things to try and shave me! How does that help? And then there was a sharp thing that went into my neck, which to be honest did make me feel a bit better. I still screamed like a girl though.

Despite having covered myself fantastically in the red stuff (again) apparently it "wasn't that bad" and I didn't have to go through the trauma of being sewn up. That's happened before and man it sucks! Not sure quite what happened, I only asked Ole Big Ears for his stick. I thought I was being polite, but he didn't want to give it up and got shirty! Mum says I must learn not to take his stuff, and that I need to "read his body language better". Sounds like silly hippy stuff to me.

I boing! I am defined by my boinginess! Ole Big Ears is just going to have to put up with it.

p.s. today I have stolen one cardigan, a toilet roll, some gloves and a flat cap.

I like Sunday!

Okay so the slop stuff is growing on me. Actually it's really quite tasty. Today it was laced with baked beans and this green stuff called "parsley". Today is a good day! We've been out for a great walk with Dad, there've been loads of people in the pub, I've played with my squeaky football, I've had treats, I've lazed around, I am a non-stop kind of guy!

And, best of all, I've annoyed Big Ears! Yes, he's spluttering with rage! All because I've got a blog too. Tee hee. Like he's the only one with something to say. Stupid big woolly thing. He's wearing an embarassing bandage thing at the moment - bet he didn't tell you that did he? Something to do with that woman who came to visit us the other day. Mum says it's a 'body wrap' and it's going to make Big Ears less moody. I'm not holding my breath!

I need my breath for much more important things like playing and running and chasing and more running. They're fab. I also played with my blue ball today, did I say that? It doesn't squeak anymore but I like it anyway.

Got to go lobby for more play!

p.s. today I have stolen several pieces of paper which I shredded which made Mum quite cross, apparently it was important business stuff. Whatever.

What's going on??

Something weird has happened to my food. Mum keeps insisting I eat this brown slop stuff. She calls it porridge and tries to persuade me that putting banana in it makes it tasty. It doesn't. But I eat most of it anyway. It's not as if she gives me anything else instead. When I refused to eat it yesterday morning, she just gave it back to me at lunchtime!

That's another thing. I now have at least 3 meals a day - yesterday it was 4! Am I being softened up for something? Or fattened up? Oh my God - are they going to eat me????? It's all a bit worrying. I feel worried. I really do. And also Mum got up early this morning and so did Dad and we all went for a walk before the pub opened. It is Saturday today isn't it? Isn't it? I think so. That doesn't normally happen. I hope nothing bad is going to happen, though the walk was brilliant. It was frosty and I love frost. It tickles my paws.

Something else: yesterday Mum took me out by myself. That doesn't happen very often either. And we got eaten up by this huge terrifying monster! Mum didn't seem concerned at all but I didn't like it. I didn't like it at all. It rattled and shook and growled at me. Then it spat us out and we were at this noisy place where people were making lots of clanking noises and then there was our car! I was okay as soon as I got in the car. We went home in the car, which I was very pleased about, because I didn't want to be eaten by the monster again - it appears to be a form of transport but I prefer the car.

In fact, ever since this lady came to visit on Wednesday, things have been weird. I am not convinced. She kept trying to touch my mouth, which I hate, and now Mum keeps trying to touch my mouth. What's that about? I haven't done anything wrong. Mum says I'll be happier when get used to it. Maybe Big Ears is behind it all. He's so bossy. No wonder I get fed up with him.

We had a good game yesterday though - lots of chasing and raaring. Just what I like. And Big Ears didn't get too carried away so it all ended amicably. No chance for our usual wrestling match on the bed this morning, we were up and out so quickly.

Haven't had any slop yet today. Maybe Mum will give me a break from it.

p.s. so far today I have stolen one piece of plastic, a sock and a croc.

Visitors are Ace!

Yeeeha! I have a Girlfriend! At least I could do, if I wanted. She's called Rosie and she's totally bonkers! She came to stay for the weekend and we just played all the time. There was wrestling, and chasing, and bitey face action, and more chasing and lots of rolling around. She's my kind of girl.

Hot dang!

And she brought treats with her. What better combination can you get? She's a bit younger than me and can't run quite as fast as me, though much faster than Ole Big Ears. We had such fun on the beach, though if I'm honest she can go on a bit longer than me. I'm built more for speed than stamina apparently.

Big Ears has been surprisingly nice this week. I think getting his bootie kicked by a girl (you should have seen it!) has made him rethink things a bit. We'll see how long it lasts.

We're nearly at our weekend time, so I'm anticipating an excellent walk tomorrow. It's whole week since I went to the beach so I'll be voting for that, but who knows? Maybe they'll surprise us with somewhere new!

p.s. today I have stolen one bottle top, several tissues, a pair of pants and a cardigan.

I am a blur

Today is Wednesday! Isn't that great? It's been a funny few days because we went for a long car drive and I got rather bored, and then we ended up in a different house! We stayed there for 2 nights and then went for another long car drive and we were home! Wierd. Still, we went for a great walk while we were there, and I got to run around outside in the garden, well actually I was doing laps.

Man you should have seen me! I go so fast I get dizzy. And stupid Ole Big Ears was stood in the middle of the garden with his pink tongue hanging out just staring at me. He can't run fast like me and gets very jealous when I do demonstrations. I just can't help it though, I get such a buzz from running!

Big Ears is off on some silly campaign at the moment (again) so he is bugging me to finish to so he can get back on the laptop. This morning he has grabbed my sideburns no less than five times. Unfortunately, they are just at his head height.

I don't know where we are going for our walk today but I don't doubt it will be great!

ps. so far today I have stolen one glove and one little bit of tissue.