Dark Days!

Help! I think I am being blackmailed!

Someone is posing as Sirius - one of our exciting visitors - and is offering me bribes of fun and frolics to access liquor! At least, I think it's not the real Sirius.

Oh No! What if it is the real Sirius and he really does want me to get him free booze in return for fun? I have been warned by a friend that this "Sirius" is not to be trusted, but I though they were exagerating!

What to do, what to do???? This is making my brain ache. I like fun, I really do, but I'm not at all sure that Sirius intends to pay for the liquor. What will Mum and Dad say?

Then again, they have invited Sirius, and surely they wouldn't do that if he was....well...a liquor-fiend! I thought he was a charity ambassador, which sounds impressively cool, but I must be wrong!

I think I am going to have to go and chew something, to get inspiration for solving my dilemma!


ps. today I have stolen one bra, two bits of tissue, an empty pork scratchings bag (boy, got in trouble for that one!) and a flower pot.

Wow Wow Wow Wow!!!

I am so excited I could BURST!

We have got Very Important Visitors coming! It's going to be fabulously wonderful! They're going to visit, and we're going to have fun, and there will be high jinx and excitement!

They are called "Sirius" and "Sir Parsley" and I have been told that I am absolutely under no circumstances whatsoever to so much as lick them, let alone take them to my bed and chew them. I am shocked! As if I would do that to a visitor!

Mum says I will learn more about them between now and the visit, but that they are doing Important Charity Work (whatever that is - I hope it's fun fun fun!).

ps. sorry for not blogging for so long, but I am such a busy dog that I often get distracted by life, customers, you name it!

pps. today I have stolen a plastic bag, two socks and a plastic bottle cap

Owweeeeeee!

Helup! I have been leaking! There was red stuff everywhere! I had to trog miles home with Dad and that Fanged One plastered in the stuff, Dad was worried I might empty out completely all over the mountain! Not sure what happens if you run out of red stuff, but it's probably not much fun.

When we got home I took a ride in the car with Mum and we visited the horrid place where this lady came at me with these buzzy things to try and shave me! How does that help? And then there was a sharp thing that went into my neck, which to be honest did make me feel a bit better. I still screamed like a girl though.

Despite having covered myself fantastically in the red stuff (again) apparently it "wasn't that bad" and I didn't have to go through the trauma of being sewn up. That's happened before and man it sucks! Not sure quite what happened, I only asked Ole Big Ears for his stick. I thought I was being polite, but he didn't want to give it up and got shirty! Mum says I must learn not to take his stuff, and that I need to "read his body language better". Sounds like silly hippy stuff to me.

I boing! I am defined by my boinginess! Ole Big Ears is just going to have to put up with it.

p.s. today I have stolen one cardigan, a toilet roll, some gloves and a flat cap.